First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: It’s Different

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

It’s been a really fun, insightful week with this series. And I hope I’ve made you think or helped your situation AND made you laugh.

Today is just a little food for thought. After the Wedding…you are married (duh). And it is different. Of course it is, you may say, that’s is the point of being married. Yes, but there are going to be times where the stark difference between your dating/engaged life and you married life hit you all of a sudden. Sometime with fond remembrance and sometimes with a unexplained sadness. And sometimes…well…I can’t put it in any better terms…It’s different.

Take for one, your social friendships. I was the very first (21 years old) of my close group of high school friends to get married and have children. This put a great distance, figuratively, in our relationship. While I was balancing nursing, doctor’s appointments and the weekly diaper budget, they were still binge drinking in their 3rd, 4th and 5th years of college. While they were distraught over their flavor of the week’s inability to call them back, I was hoping to stay awake for at least a half an hour after the baby went to bed to even speak to my husband.

There will be many, many other instances where it will be very obvious your lives have changed. And I hope for the better (but let’s not forget the worse part of those vows).

Sometimes being a new bride can cause a surge of emotions as if you were constantly in a state of PMS but have faith my darlings. It will all work out in the end.

I consciously choose not to go into every little detail of my newlywed life to offer suggestions for hypothetical situations that may come up in your own life. However, the creators of TheKnot.com has a newlywed site call, TheNest.com. Here you can find newlywed brides like yourself and a community of support, advice, fun and products. Try it out.

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: To Change You Name or Not to Change Your Name & How

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Yours truly changed her name right away. One reason, I’m a liberal, unique, against the mainstream traditionalist (a bit of a contradiction explained here). Another reason is that I was married on my 21^st birthday which is pretty early in the “making a name for yourself” game. And yet another reason…my maiden name is unique and had always been hard to convey i.e. never pronounced correctly, spelled correctly, I always got a “wha?” when I said it to others, especially over the phone. And yet another reason, DigitalPharaoh was the last male in his immediate family or even his extended family (but now we have The Boy).

Sure there are a lot of reasons, such as I had, to change you name. But there are an equal amount of reasons to not change your name. Let’s go over some of the Pro’s, Con’s, What’s & How’s.

Pros (or why I think in the affirmative)

I personally think you should change you name in most circumstances.

1. You will inevitably be called Mrs. X or announced/invited as Mr. & Mrs. X anyway. Which proper etiquette calls for you to accept the title without a big stink, graciously.
2. Your children (if you so choose to have them) will most likely have Mr. X’s last name. Again you will be inevitably called Mrs. X by teachers, doctors, school children, parents etc. Makes it a little less confusing on the children too (I know this is a bit ahead of the game for some of you).
3. The whole “becoming as one” thing.
4. I have seen it bother more than a few new husbands (usually second husbands) when their wives keep either their maiden or first husband’s last name. No matter how evolved and supportive, yadda yadda…it will still bother him on some occasions. A man thing.
5. It’s really not as hard as you think. Some brides express worry over credential searches, employment history searches, business relationships etc such as on this Wedding Bee blog post, but the easiest way to suck your maiden identity into your married identity is to hyphenate it for a while. I did, for a little less than a year. Also, your social security number will not change, so that can link you to your previous name as well.
6. Not changing your name or changing it socially and not professionally can present a little more difficulty as described in these articles:
   1. To Have and to Hyphenate: The Marriage Name Game
   2. Married or Maiden Name? Behind the Last Name (Change)
   3. Change or Not Change The Maiden Name

So if you have decided to change your name and assume your Husband’s surname, even if only socially, here are a FEW items that will need to be attended to:

Socially

Official Identification

Obtain Official Copies of your Marriage License: This should be done first to help you accomplish the rest of the list.

Social Security Card

Driver’s Licenses

Voter Registration

Car Registration

Passport

*Do not change your passport or your driver’s license until after your honeymoon. Airlines and Customs require that the name on the tickets match your identification.

Finances

Bills: Cell Phones, Utilities, Magazine Subscriptions, Credit Cards

Bank Accounts: New Checks, Paychecks//Direct Deposit

Retirement/Stock

Insurance: Health – Will you consolidate onto one plan or keep individual Plans?

*This decision could increase someone’s take home pay while slightly reducing another’s.

Life Insurance Policies

Personal Email Profiles

Professionally

Resume’s
Licenses (RN, MD etc)
Titles
Human Resources

1. Email Address: ensure both your maiden name’s email address and your married name’s email address
are both filtered into the same inbox
2. Paychecks
3. Provide copies of your new social security card and driver’s license
4. Business Cards

Some of the reasons I can relate to for NOT changing your name are very reasonable as well.

1. You have a child(ren) from a previous marriage and you want to keep the surname of your children for their sake.

2. You have married later in life and have built a substantial professional name for yourself.

3. You are the last generation of your family’s surname.

The decision to change you name is totally personal. And you can always change your mind down the road.

Next up in our series: Celebrations

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage

Eventually, the planning will come to an end (and oh it makes me so sad not to hear from each and every one of my brides as often after the wedding).

Eventually, the wedding will be over (yes, a year or so of planning is quenched in 4-6 hours).

Eventually, the marriage will begin (the most important part).

But does that mean that mean all things Simply Beautiful will come to an end?????

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Starting tomorrow, and every day for the rest of the week you can peruse these topics:

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.