When the Money Runs Out! Part IV: Postponement

The economy was NOT supposed to affect your wedding and ultimate passage into marital bliss. How could you have planned around something that is completely not under your control? But it has. Now what?

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you are aware that the “economy” is in bad shape. Simply Beautiful will break it down in a series to give you advice on, When the Money Runs Out.

If you and your fiancé find yourselves in a situation where you must take a timeout from the wedding plans to seriously assess your finances and the question has come up as to whether or not you can still have a wedding, you are not alone.

When cancelling the wedding is too much of a loss/penalty and raising funds is not possible a postponement may fit.

Simply Beautiful has had the experience of ceremony and reception venues willing to work with the couple and change the date of their wedding. Be cautioned when taking this approach that you may not have a say in what date, day or time your wedding will take place. If the venue is willing to do this without penalty, thank you lucky stars. Ask for 3 possible dates from your main venue and work everything else around those 3 initial dates.

Before committing to a new date, contact all of the vendors you’ve already booked to inquire if they will be able to accommodate the new date. If all vendors are a go…you’ve got yourself a postponement. This can give a few months or almost a year to re-group financially.

With any cancellation, postponement or significant change in wedding plans there are items of etiquette that should be handled delicately and tactfully.

1. Inform your guests as soon as possible.

2. Inform your vendors.

3. Discuss the topic of refunds and deposits sympathetically and not confrontationally.

4. Gifts should be returned if the wedding will not take place within a year.

5. Compensate your wedding party for their expenses if the wedding will not be taking place or they are no longer able to be in the wedding due to the change.

6. Consider enlisting the services of a professional wedding planner to help you develop a realistic budget and keep track of spending if you decide to give the planning another go.

One of the very first, most important parts of the wedding planning process is to determine your budget. Your wedding planner will most definitely help you research and create a budget with you for your wedding. There are also tips and tools to help your figure out a working budget.

Check out these Simply Beautiful posts for more budget advice: Wedding Costs, Financial Cold Feet, Realistic Wedding Budgets.

Why Hire a Professional Photographer?

Simply Beautiful Words has created this blog series, “Why Hire?” to help you understand what to expect from services, highlight their value and give you some pointers to use in your consultations. I’ll touch base on a few on the most questioned vendors/services.

We started of our Why Hire? series, with a look at a wedding professional that is near and dear to our heart…Wedding Planners.

Now we move on to our next wedding professional, Photographers.

Why Hire a Professional Photographer?

MEMORIES

The main reason is quite simple, besides your marriage and new family, your photographs will be the only tangible thing left of your wedding. After all the planning, all the expenses, all the stress and all the details if your photographs do not expertly and accurately capture the day, you will be sorely disappointed.

SBC: I am not advocating for every couple to spend their entire budget on a high end photographer that is out of their price point. However, I certainly support couples who allocate a portion of their budget that is significant to them on photography.

(and seriously, none of this has to do with the fact that my hubby, DigitalPharaoh, is a professional photographer/artist)

PROFESSIONALISM & QUALITY

Yes, I believe you when you say your cousin, uncle, sister are take amazing photos with their high end DLSR. But have they had the most recent training in the digital technique? Do they know how to work around poor indoor lighting? Poor outdoor lighting?

Unless your friend or family member is a professional photographer with professional equipment and the ability to process your photographs, please consider a professional photographer.

SBC: You can find a professional photographer for every budget and every style. A wedding planner will have a number of photographer referrals to meet your needs that is provided with some wedding planning package or as an a la carte service.

Well, what is a professional photographer? Not every Joe Blow with a website and a camera is a professional photographer…or even a decent one. To help you navigate through the process, here is how Simply Beautiful Concepts guides its clients:

1. Research photography styles that you like. Search far and wide through that wonderful thing called the internet. Don’t worry about price or location, find photographs and styles that appeal to you.

2. Research photographers in your area. Match area photographers with the styles you gathered in step one.

3. Create a list of 3-5 Photographers. Contact them and conduct a phone interview of basic questions. You can find some advice here from Blue Orchid Designs.

4. Eliminate 1-2 Photographers. Set up interviews/consultations with the remaining photographers.

5. Book Your Professional Wedding Photographer. If steps 1-4 don’t yield in a successful selection, repeat.

Happy Planning

Next in our “Why Hire?” series:   Your little brother and his friends DJ/have a band and play at parties every weekend.  They seem to have a lot of equipment and music and wouldn’t cost a dime so “Why Hire a DJ/Band/Entertainment?”

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: It’s Different

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

It’s been a really fun, insightful week with this series. And I hope I’ve made you think or helped your situation AND made you laugh.

Today is just a little food for thought. After the Wedding…you are married (duh). And it is different. Of course it is, you may say, that’s is the point of being married. Yes, but there are going to be times where the stark difference between your dating/engaged life and you married life hit you all of a sudden. Sometime with fond remembrance and sometimes with a unexplained sadness. And sometimes…well…I can’t put it in any better terms…It’s different.

Take for one, your social friendships. I was the very first (21 years old) of my close group of high school friends to get married and have children. This put a great distance, figuratively, in our relationship. While I was balancing nursing, doctor’s appointments and the weekly diaper budget, they were still binge drinking in their 3rd, 4th and 5th years of college. While they were distraught over their flavor of the week’s inability to call them back, I was hoping to stay awake for at least a half an hour after the baby went to bed to even speak to my husband.

There will be many, many other instances where it will be very obvious your lives have changed. And I hope for the better (but let’s not forget the worse part of those vows).

Sometimes being a new bride can cause a surge of emotions as if you were constantly in a state of PMS but have faith my darlings. It will all work out in the end.

I consciously choose not to go into every little detail of my newlywed life to offer suggestions for hypothetical situations that may come up in your own life. However, the creators of TheKnot.com has a newlywed site call, TheNest.com. Here you can find newlywed brides like yourself and a community of support, advice, fun and products. Try it out.

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. The no-so pretty side of weddings and being a newlywed. One thing that I have had my fair share, if not more, of is awkward, inappropriate questions/remarks from family, friends or complete strangers! Getting married and being a newlywed sortof lends itself to some of the most common ones. I thought I’d share some scenarios you may run into and give you some funny responses. You can just laugh, use them or share your own.

*Disclaimer: I, nor SBC, guarantee the sample responses given will produce the desired effect. I, nor SBC, is responsible for the any backlash, shocked faces, altercations, brawls, arrests, lawyer fees etc. (All this is really meant to be funny). Thank you to the anonymous contributors.

1. From random admirer or family member: “Your ring is beautiful! How much did it cost?”

A. Just the right amount

B. I’m certain my fiance paid whatever he was comfortable with.

C. It was a gift. So, I never asked him how much he spent.

D. One Billion Dollars (with the pinky to my mouth a la Dr Evil)

E. So much that he is going to have to get a second job, know anyone who is hiring?
2. From random stranger or family member: “When are you going to start having children?”

A. We had a vasectomy… well, he did

B. We’ll start when you start a 529 plan

C. Whenever we feel we’re ready. Would you like to be notified when we start trying?

D. Very soon! Since you’re so interested you’ll be perfect to put on our list of Friday-night babysitters!

E. When the time is right.

F. We’re having too much fun practicing right now.

G. *look at watch* about 10 minutes from now.

H. When you have one/another one first.

3. From family member: “Wow, that was some wedding,looked expensive, who paid for it?

A. You did. We returned your gift for cash.

B. Turn the question around: “Why would you need to know who paid for the wedding?”

C. We are still taking donations, can I put you down for $100?

4. After being given a woman’s last name or seeing their last name on a document or on their voicemail, “I thought you got married?”, Response, “I kept my maiden name.” Shocked response, “Why would you do that?”

A. I kept my maiden name because it worked before I was married and it still works now.

B. I chose to keep my name because, well, it’s my name and I like who I am.”

C. Because (insert your full name) is such a nice name. Don’t you agree?

D. Because I have spent a long time building a reputation and a career in this name. Why should I have to work even harder to get everybody to recognize the new name?

E. So people would ask me stupid questions and annoy me to death about it.

F. Because I felt like it. He took my name.
5. From family member (this is from my own experience) “Oh you’re expecting…was it planned?

A. Look shocked and then ask them .. are you sure?? Wait until I tell my husband this!

B. No, I slipped and fell on him and here we are.

C. Excuse me…are you trying to call me fat??

If none of these work for you try any one of these quick quips: Ask your mother or Ask Your Husband

Next up in our series: It’s Different

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: Your 1st Anniversary

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Traditionally, your First Wedding Anniversary is celebrated with the gift of Paper.

Here are a few simple and traditional suggestions: Books, a framed ketubah (Jewish), Tickets, Money (that’s a plus), a scrapbook, a letter/card (husbands beware if going this route make this ONE of her gifts), stationery, paper fan or parasol.

A more contemporary first anniversary gifts are clocks: wall clocks, cuckoo clocks, watches, pocket watches, alarm clocks or antique clocks.

Traditionally, the some women (or shall I say at least me, in my perfect little world) put a lot of significance on this anniversary. So ladies, if you are expecting a big to-do and your hubby is not known to make a big to-do over anything, help the guy out and give him a clue. Either directly or indirectly through trusted friend or family member.

Are you stumped on exactly HOW to celebrate your first anniversary? Check out these suggestions.

Many bakers now offer their wedding clients a Free 1st Anniversary cake.

On our First Anniversary, the DigitalPharaoh and I spent it at home, I believe (oh that’s so bad). I’m not quite sure what we did all day long. I was a new mother, our first daughter was 7 weeks old. The winter of 2000 was a cold and snowy one. We may have gone out during the day for a quick bite to eat, with the baby. We may have rented some movies…(uh..”Hun, what did we do for our 1st anniversary?” DP: “Uh…”) Hmmm…

Nevertheless…enjoy your first anniversary (and if you don’t do anything spectacular…remember, there will be many more, God willing).

Next up in our series: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Come the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: Holidays

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Over the past ten years, DigitalPharaoh and I have always had difficult decisions to make when the holidays came around.

Source

I come from a very large family who ALWAYS spent the holidays (Thanksgiving & Christmas) together. Throughout my childhood, these were some of my fondest memories. Gathered with my grandparenst, aunts, uncles and cousins celebrating family, love and FOOD. Yum! There were always at least 20-30 of us together in my “immediate” family.

DigitalPharaoh, on the other hand, spent his childhood holidays with his nuclear family unit consisting of his father, mother and sister. Occasionally, after celebrating at home, they’d take a ride to an aunt’s house, or a grandparent’s house for a quick visit. But no huge gatherings or celebrations.

Naturally, when we got married, I assumed we’d celebrate with my family because my family assumed we’d be celebrating with them anyway. And since his family didn’t make such a big deal out of the holidays, no problem, right? WRONG.

#1, it is not a good thing to assume anything, and I think we all know why. Secondly, is that really fair? To ask one’s spouse to forgo celebrating the holidays with their family for yours.

The “fun” of my family gatherings began to diminish by the time DP and I were married, so he couldn’t see why I “had” to be there. DP also never really blended well into my family (a post that I will not even post) so he wanted to spend the holidays with his family, especially after we had children.

If each of your families have long standing traditional celebrations, this subject, for some, will take a lot of sensitivity, compromise and standing your ground ALL AT ONCE.

Some couples will opt to spend the holidays with one family over another for practical reasons, such as distance, accomodations, or work schedules. Others will split the major days between the two families, Thanksgiving with his, Christmas with hers. Then reverse the next year.

However, you decide to do it make sure you talk about it ahead of time and come up with a plan. This plan should be based on a merging of both of your desires for the holiday season.

Needless to say, with all these years behind us, it still isn’t really fun to think about the holidays and what we’ll be doing or not doing. We’ve spent holidays with my family, we’ve spent it with his, we’ve spent it with both and we’ve spent it apart, we’ve spent it with neither. I fault this to our not talking about it, communicating it and following through on our desires in the beginning.

So, take some time to communicate about the upcoming holiday celebrations for your newly formed families. And if you need some tips, check out Marriage 101’s or Wedding Bee’s posts.

Want to know a big secret????

I’d like to spend the holidays all inclusive of those that we love and that love us. And to at least spend time with our families equally to let them know how equally important they are to us.

If I can plan a wedding, I should be able to plan the holiday season right? Well, wish me luck.

Ok, ok…maybe I’m not owning up to the fact that it would probably be like Four Christmases coming to movies theatres soon. HA! (I love Vince Vaughn in disfunctional relationships).

And Happy Holidays

Next up in our series: Your 1st Anniversary

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: To Change You Name or Not to Change Your Name & How

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Yours truly changed her name right away. One reason, I’m a liberal, unique, against the mainstream traditionalist (a bit of a contradiction explained here). Another reason is that I was married on my 21^st birthday which is pretty early in the “making a name for yourself” game. And yet another reason…my maiden name is unique and had always been hard to convey i.e. never pronounced correctly, spelled correctly, I always got a “wha?” when I said it to others, especially over the phone. And yet another reason, DigitalPharaoh was the last male in his immediate family or even his extended family (but now we have The Boy).

Sure there are a lot of reasons, such as I had, to change you name. But there are an equal amount of reasons to not change your name. Let’s go over some of the Pro’s, Con’s, What’s & How’s.

Pros (or why I think in the affirmative)

I personally think you should change you name in most circumstances.

1. You will inevitably be called Mrs. X or announced/invited as Mr. & Mrs. X anyway. Which proper etiquette calls for you to accept the title without a big stink, graciously.
2. Your children (if you so choose to have them) will most likely have Mr. X’s last name. Again you will be inevitably called Mrs. X by teachers, doctors, school children, parents etc. Makes it a little less confusing on the children too (I know this is a bit ahead of the game for some of you).
3. The whole “becoming as one” thing.
4. I have seen it bother more than a few new husbands (usually second husbands) when their wives keep either their maiden or first husband’s last name. No matter how evolved and supportive, yadda yadda…it will still bother him on some occasions. A man thing.
5. It’s really not as hard as you think. Some brides express worry over credential searches, employment history searches, business relationships etc such as on this Wedding Bee blog post, but the easiest way to suck your maiden identity into your married identity is to hyphenate it for a while. I did, for a little less than a year. Also, your social security number will not change, so that can link you to your previous name as well.
6. Not changing your name or changing it socially and not professionally can present a little more difficulty as described in these articles:
   1. To Have and to Hyphenate: The Marriage Name Game
   2. Married or Maiden Name? Behind the Last Name (Change)
   3. Change or Not Change The Maiden Name

So if you have decided to change your name and assume your Husband’s surname, even if only socially, here are a FEW items that will need to be attended to:

Socially

Official Identification

Obtain Official Copies of your Marriage License: This should be done first to help you accomplish the rest of the list.

Social Security Card

Driver’s Licenses

Voter Registration

Car Registration

Passport

*Do not change your passport or your driver’s license until after your honeymoon. Airlines and Customs require that the name on the tickets match your identification.

Finances

Bills: Cell Phones, Utilities, Magazine Subscriptions, Credit Cards

Bank Accounts: New Checks, Paychecks//Direct Deposit

Retirement/Stock

Insurance: Health – Will you consolidate onto one plan or keep individual Plans?

*This decision could increase someone’s take home pay while slightly reducing another’s.

Life Insurance Policies

Personal Email Profiles

Professionally

Resume’s
Licenses (RN, MD etc)
Titles
Human Resources

1. Email Address: ensure both your maiden name’s email address and your married name’s email address
are both filtered into the same inbox
2. Paychecks
3. Provide copies of your new social security card and driver’s license
4. Business Cards

Some of the reasons I can relate to for NOT changing your name are very reasonable as well.

1. You have a child(ren) from a previous marriage and you want to keep the surname of your children for their sake.

2. You have married later in life and have built a substantial professional name for yourself.

3. You are the last generation of your family’s surname.

The decision to change you name is totally personal. And you can always change your mind down the road.

Next up in our series: Celebrations

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage: Post-Wedding Wrap-Up

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series (original post) for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

After your wedding is over and after the honeymoon, there are some wedding details that need to be closed out. Simply Beautiful Concept offers a Post-Wedding Wrap Up in their Classic and Most Beautiful Planning packages to cover rentals, returns, contracts and invoices. However, you can ensure a smooth close to your wedding by attending to the following areas:

Contracts

First things first, Security Deposits. Review your contracts if you placed a security deposit on any of your wedding related items, such as reception hall, rentals or transportation. You will want to confirm the method and time frame the vendor is to return your deposit.

Certain contracts, such as the Reception or Catering, may have required minimum dollar amounts or your bar may have been on consumption. Be sure to get final bills and figures to ensure you met your minimums, owe any balances or are due any refunds.

If any of your vendors did not provide some of the contracted services or substitutions were necessary, you may also be entitled to a refund of some of your cost.

100 Proof: Photography and Videography

Your photographer and/or videographer was great on your wedding day. You can’t wait to see the pictures/video! But before you start ringing his or her phone of the hook once your return flight hits the tarmac, check your contract. Most photographers/videographers have a specified time frame to present you with your proofs, albums, CD/DVD etc.

You will want to touch base with them soon after the wedding to see if there are any known issues that will delay delivery of your proofs or photographs or video. After that, let them do their thing. Remember, in high wedding season, your photographer/videographer may be booked every weekend, which leaves little time for editing, manipulating and printing. My DigitalPharaoh is a photographer, and I sometimes get impatient for my clients pictures before they do. I’ve come to realize that after hours and hours of adding effects, cropping, correcting etc, his eyes get a little crossed and he needs to take a break so that he can bring fresh eyes to the rest of the photos. You don’t want some really great photos and the rest looking like snapshots from a disposable camera because you had an unreasonable expectation. Ask your photographer during your initial consultation about these time frames. And after the wedding, hold them to it.

Thank You Cards

Etiquette states that Thank you notes for gifts should be sent as soon as possible after the gift is received, if this is prior to the wedding. For those gifts received after the wedding and if you plan to thank each guest for attending, 3 months is the maximum amount of time to complete this task.

Next up in our series: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Complete Series

Sunday: Kick Off

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.

First Comes the Wedding…Then Comes the Marriage

Eventually, the planning will come to an end (and oh it makes me so sad not to hear from each and every one of my brides as often after the wedding).

Eventually, the wedding will be over (yes, a year or so of planning is quenched in 4-6 hours).

Eventually, the marriage will begin (the most important part).

But does that mean that mean all things Simply Beautiful will come to an end?????

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

For all my newly-wives (and wives-to-be), I’ve created this series for the After Wedding aka Marriage. If you have a fear that once you put your Wedding Planning Binder away, you will feel naked and without a sense of direction, never fear, your to-do list still awaits you.

Starting tomorrow, and every day for the rest of the week you can peruse these topics:

Monday: Post Wedding-Wrap Up

Tuesday: To Change or Not to Change Your Name & How

Wednesday: Holidays

Thursday: Your 1^st Anniversary

Friday: Awkward Questions, Awesome Answers

Saturday: It’s Different

Be sure to leave a comment letting us know what Post-Wedding topics interest YOU.